In the medieval age of kings and emperors, Mansa Musa was the richest of all. His great wealth was so vast, in his hajj to Mecca, Musa gave away so much of his vast gold wealth, that he caused recessions throughout North Africa, as these nations' currency could not compete with gold floating around the economy. Drake, like Mansa Musa before him, destabilized the South Broadway and Byers community through his own influx of chicken sandwiches.
On Monday October 24th, in honor of his birthday, the Dave's Hot Chicken part owner, and famous rapper Drake awarded all those who follow Dave's Hot Chicken on either Instagram or Tiktok a free slider or tender from the restaurant. Dave’s Hot Chicken, which is located at 99 South Broadway, has been a frequent destination of Byers students for lunch or an after school snack creating a strong existing market for their day of free chicken.
Starting with Senior Academy Lunch at 12:42 the crowds began to come. Dozens of students had heard the rumor and swarmed for a free slider. However, as said students return the news of the great gift spread like wildfire. Many gawked at the Instagram posts they were observing, and others became comatose from the scent of Dave's Hot Chicken wafting through their nostrils. By the end of day, the halls could be heard with an undeniable further. Hundreds could be heard shouting “Are you going to Dave's?” or “Meet me at Dave's.” I personally ran with the full weight of my back pack to jump in the nearest car that would take me. Traffic was especially bad that day as many speeded down boulevards for a chance at the chicken. As you gazed out the window of your speeding car, or even turned your head toward the street you could see a great many people sprinting with all their being, west, towards the chicken. A great migration. The crowds could be seen around the block. As more and more people came, in almost an endless stream of people.
The incident also struck accord with fans of the story of Rumpelstiltskin, as it turned straw to gold. “It made a bad day a great one” One student, Gavin Hulse, proclaimed. Hulse was one of the first students in line after school and watched in awe as the hoards arrived. Hulse described the experience of watching many swarm the restaurant “like that one seen in world war Z where all the zombies piled up.” Hulse further added, “I’ve never seen so many smiling faces, it was like rapture if everyone there was Christian” Of course, since it wasn't Chick Fil A, they weren't.
While some basked in the moment, others took advantage of the chaos to award their stomachs with a near infinite amount of chicken. Akin to an infinite money glitch in a video game. One such student, who was asked to be anonymous, returned for 3 rounds of chicken. Initially going dressed in plain garb, the student later changed into a preppy polo sweatshirt, finishing off with a boring, gray, inconspicuous hoodie. Said student would’ve returned for yet another chicken slider, had he not forgotten his backpack and had to return to the Byers campus. When asked what his fourth disguise would’ve been, the student replied that he had inquired about other students' glasses.
Even some teachers engaged in this debauchery, Computer science teacher, Mr. Baker returned to the chicken restaurant for a serving of supper. None could remove the taint of their desire for chicken. Within the establishment, Drake could be silently heard hymning. Others who cared less for the artist, simply played the endlessly long album “Views” on mute. A slight diss and a paying of homage.
Although the day has passed, students around DSST everywhere will not only have this memory of pleasantness engraved in their mind, but look forward to the potential holiday of Drake's birthday if this event is to return in the future. Until then we will be left reminiscing, and thanking the Champagnepapi.
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