To many, a bagel is a mere piece of bread with a hole in it. Of course, this could not be further from the truth. If indeed the identity of the bagel was to be relegated to a mere slab of bread with a measly hole engraved into its structure, the purchasing of such a product would become thoroughly unjustified. As such, the bagel must indeed be further examined to determine a more adequate explanation of the product.
The bagel first originated from the Jewish communities of Poland as a hand-sized ring of boiled yeasted wheat. In this, we can examine what a bagel must be. A dense, large, boiled, yeasted product. When these Jewish communities were forced from their homes in the 1800s and 1900s by Russians and Germans, this cultural product was brought to the United States, to the northeast. These true bagels that they brought with them are as much a part of American culture as new york style pizza. To be without these qualities of density and texture is to spit on the grave of Poland's Jewish communities.
Despite this truth, the idea of a bagel which resides in the minds of many Americans outside of the North East remains distinctly separate from this truth. Most commonly associated with this idea is the pathetic excuse of an establishment that is Einstein's Bagels. Before one might object to this claim, it is important to examine the history of this franchise. Einstein's Bagels is a fabrication, an extension of the Boston Chicken Inc organization which itself is owned by Mcdonald's. This of course occurred after Boston Chicken bought Berkley bagel establishment “Noah Bagels.” From these layers of corporate absorption, Einsteins Bagels was formed, taking a common Jewish name as its mascot and parading about as some family company. It wore the mask of Jewishness to justify its existence only to peddle a mid-product to the masses. That product is a plain, dry, slab of bread with a hole in it. Perhaps this blandness may be masked by a crust of cheese or perhaps the dreaded blueberry, nonetheless, its mediocrity cannot be vanquished.
Of course, some have read this sentence with horror and shock at the notion that someone has attacked their blueberry fixings but let me elaborate. The blueberry bagel’s flaw lies not in its flavor but in its character. The traditional bagel is salty, often topped with poppy or sesame seeds, onion, or garlic. To embed this traditional staple with fruit or cinnamon sugar is to put ketchup on a steak or eat a taco with a fork or perhaps eat a pizza with pineapple. While these things officially speaking are not morally wrong, they are indeed socially unacceptable, as should be eating bagels with non-traditional toppings. If one wishes to experiment with over-done, gentrified, cultural products, one should explore the boutiques of Los Angeles and San Francisco or perhaps the radicalized food markets of Portland and Seattle. While the corporate product that is Einstein's Bagels is not the sole perpetrator of this mediocrity, it is the company that has benefited the most from this misbranding of bagels as a weak piece of bread.
If one wishes to escape this corporatism it is not some grand task. Throughout the boulevards of America's North East, from Manhattan to Montreal the true bagel is easily attainable. You might of course hear of bagels in Los Angeles or elsewhere but they are not worth your while. The true bagel should be a thick salty ring of dough. Topped with onion with a smear of dill cream cheese, piled up with smoked salmon lox, seasoned tomato, and capers. This is the true bagel, a cultural expression of Polish Jews not some money-making mediocre product, as core to American culture as the people who brought them with them. Bagels are more than bread with a hole. They're a cultural expression, and that should be honored.
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